I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
