Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
