dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
