Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
