I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
