you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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