Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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