I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
