I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
