when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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