hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
