New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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