She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
