i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
