All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
