Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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