Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
