the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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