I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just googled if crying burns calories
Green mimosas i think yes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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