I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
