Cold hands, warm shart.
It's Friday. Sex?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
