my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
