I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found puke in my bra..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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