Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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