You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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