If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
