You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
