So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
