dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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