We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
