Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
