Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
