I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
