Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
