Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
