What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This house was built for laser tag.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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