Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
