gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
