I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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