my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
