I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
