Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
