I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
