are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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