So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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