Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
