White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
