before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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