I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
