"it" just moved
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
