where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
