We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
