so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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