i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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