It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
