I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They have beer where we have blood.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
