It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
