you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
