You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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