i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
