You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
