He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
