it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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