IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
