then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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